I Thought Everyone Felt This Way

For years, I thought everyone had those moments.

The ones where thoughts of ending your life crossed your mind.

I didn’t think everyone was deeply struggling.
I didn’t think everyone was in crisis.

I thought it was just one of those dark thoughts people had sometimes.

I assumed other people could let it pass through their mind without it hurting them the same way.

They had the thought, shrugged it off, carried on.

Meanwhile it would consume me.

So I didn’t think I was different.

I thought I was weaker.
Less resilient.
Bad at coping.
Too emotional.
Soft in all the ways other people seemed strong.

Then one day I ended up in a mental health ward at hospital.

I asked one of the doctors:

“Have you ever felt like that?”

He said no.

Just no.

No “sometimes.”
No “once when I was younger.”
No long story.

Just no.

That answer changed something in me.

Because until then, I thought everyone had those thoughts and some people were simply better at carrying them.

I thought everyone was dealing with the same thing and I was just handling it worse.

Turns out that wasn’t true.

Some people have never had those thoughts at all.
Some only during certain seasons of life.
Some during depression, grief, trauma, or extreme stress.
Some more often.

I had mistaken my experience for something universal.


I thought I lacked resilience

I spent years believing I was weak.

That life was hard for everyone and I was just worse at it.

That everyone was walking around with the same thoughts and I was the one making a mess of it.

It never occurred to me that maybe I was trying to function while carrying something heavier than some people around me.

That changes how you see yourself.


What I know now

I haven’t had a suicide attempt in a very long time.

Not because I never get those feelings.

Sometimes I still do.

But I know something now that I didn’t know then:

feelings move.

Whatever is consuming you in that moment usually does not consume your whole life.

I know I will feel okay again because I always do.

Maybe not in an hour.
Maybe not that night.
But eventually.

That knowledge has saved me more than once.

So has fear, if I’m honest.

The fear of not dying and being badly injured.
The fear of what would happen to my dogs.
The fear of doing permanent damage over something temporary.

Sometimes fear protected me when hope couldn’t.


Even self-harm changed for me

I used to hurt myself over feelings that might last:
an hour
two hours
a few days

But the scars last much longer.

And carrying marks from moments you don’t even feel anymore can be its own sadness.

I recently had a slip after years without it, so I’m not pretending healing is neat.

But I do think I’ve become better at sitting with feelings instead of obeying them.

That doesn’t mean it’s easy.

It means I know now that thoughts pass, even when they swear they won’t.


Sometimes I wonder

Sometimes I wonder if I’m unhappy, or if I’m just aware.

Sometimes I wonder if modern life feels unnatural to a lot of people and we call it personal failure.

Wake up.
Work.
Stress.
Scroll.
Compare.
Repeat.

Sometimes I wonder if social media opened us up to so many lives, choices, bodies, houses, holidays and possibilities that ordinary life now feels disappointing.

Maybe years ago I would have been content with less because less was all I knew.

Maybe now we are overloaded with options and underfed in meaning.

I don’t know.

I just know a lot of people quietly carry thoughts they assume everyone else handles better.


Final thoughts

The day I found out not everyone had ever felt that way stayed with me.

It made me sad for a moment.

Then it helped me understand myself better.

Some people have never had those thoughts.
Some people have had them often.
Some only during certain seasons of life.

If that’s you, I hope you know this:

A feeling can feel permanent and still pass.
A thought can feel true and still lie.
A bad night can feel endless and still end.

And just because something has felt normal to you for years does not mean it has to stay your normal forever.